Look at your nasty self.

Today's focus:
Be self aware, even if you don't like what you see.

Today's Positive affirmation:
I am a beautiful woman.

Yesterday I felt unsure, uncomfortable and out of my element.  This comes from the fact that I have a really hard time with certain memory functions.  I don't learn choreographed movement easily.  This is a necessary element of TKD.  Line dances for me are Hell!  I don't learn lyrics to songs easily, it takes many more runs through for me than any patient choir director would ever be willing to accommodate.  Your name, unless tattooed to your forehead, will likely be gone quicker than I can turn around.  That request Mr. Seup made to me via email 10 minutes ago is now soup in my belly. I need milk, eggs, butter and bread...better make a list. You get the picture.

But I digress... yesterday was my second day of TKD. I forgot my belt.  My hair was a ratty mess.  I wore sandals with socks, then got poured on by a lovely Kansas thunderstorm. My socks got wet, so I had to go barefoot.  My big toe has a BIG blister on it.  I missed the adult class due to my inability to shop quickly, and had to attend "family" class. If you don't know this about me, little children in large numbers annoy me.

Then to top all this off, my husband, who did not participate in TKD class last night, whipped out the camera during my class.  Normally, I don't mind cameras. However, after the above mentioned stresses to my afternoon, I was less than pleased. I didn't realize how $%&*% I was with this act until after we were on our thirty minute drive back home, and I started to peruse the camera. 

Did I mention to you that I am a fat girl?  I'm not putting myself down, I am just being honest. Nothing like having someone take a full profile view picture of you looking bored, hands on hips, slouchy shouldered in an unflattering TKD uniform, in a sports bra, ratty hair and no belt.  Oh I know, you want me to show you the picture of my nasty self so you can see what I'm talking about. You got it.

I bet after reading all this, with the tone missing and my use of $%&*% above, you are thinking I'm a grouchy person who is very unhappy.  Quite the contrary.  I'm laughing loudly at my misfortunes of yesterday, and hoping you can find it in yourself to laugh at your misfortunes of today.

The word $%&*% is actually not a bad word. I just can't find one word to describe my amazed and confused thoughts while pondering this picture of myself.

Let me try sentences instead:
"Am I really THAT fat?"
"Where did my chin go?"

After I got over the shock of reality, I reminded myself of something VERY important.  I signed up for the RACE.  I am living my life in the moment, aware of my body, my mind and my spirit. This is the body I brought to the RACE, and if I don't like it I better not quit!

If I can share my nasty uncomfortable self with you, surely you can share YOUR nasty self with YOU. Go do it, then tell me, where you in the RACE today? If not what's stopping you?

By the way, my husband and I have logged 5.9 miles this week.  We took a liesurely walk tonight, and will round out the week tomorrow morning with a 2.1 mile walk/run.  Also, I attended TKD twice.

My baseline weight is: 193 lbs.  My goal first goal (10%) is 174 lbs.
God Bless!