Today's Blaaaaahg

Today, for the first time since I moved, I do not like Lyndon. 



Lyndon Signs--All rights reserved ©


Not for the first time, I do not like my job. 

It's not really that I don't like Lyndon, or my job.  It's the inevitable feelings of  isolation and loneliness that are catching up to me. 

It has been four months and 20 days since I moved across the country.  It was a very sound financial decision. However, for someone who is rather socially handicapped to begin with, starting over in a new town with few social activities (other than sports) was probably not my wisest move.

The dog loves it.  He apparently was bred to be a Kansan. Did I mention he is a cairn terrier, just like Toto?

I am out of gas mentally.  My urge was to drive myself to the nearest psychologist and ask for drugs, but I know that isn't the answer for what ails me.  But, what is the answer?

I started going to church, though rather sporadically.  The message isn't loud and clear to me right now.  I have been practicing the concept of Fake it till you Make it.  Not the Christian part, just the fitting in part.

I started running, stopped, started, stopped....{SIGH}. My Achilles tendon in my right foot is messed up, and needs the attention of a doctor.

Tried TKD...no women, other than me.  Frankly, I don't like to touch other people in hand-to-hand combat, especially sweaty men. (Gross).

I don't have a car anymore, and no sight of one in the near future.  That's not really helping my situation either.

And can someone tell me...What is up with women and their kids?  Women chose to have no life.  They live their lives through their children, only choosing friends who are convenient to whatever activity their child is currently participating in.  What do you do when your 15 year old decides she wants to take a year off from all activities?  What then? This is my current boat, without any paddles, drifting up deification creek.

I have to get out of this place. (Mentally)  I have to find something to do. (Physically)  I have to build some new relationships. (Spiritually).

Perhaps, I should take the approach of, baby steps rather than..."FULL STEAM AHEAD" or my other favorite "CHARGE".

I need better gas mileage, so it's time for a new plan.  The backbone of the entire plan... Give yourself a break.

1. Keep going to church, even if it's just church, and not Sunday school.
2. Keep trying to find a women only activity.  I will check the library and church calendar.  Suggestions are VERY welcome, especially from those of you that are lurking nearby and feel to shy to make suggestions.
3. For now, walk. Don't run.  Running is not for fat people, regardless of what the misleading title of this blog states. (I will get back to the running later when it doesn't cause me physical distress).
4. Pay attention to your inner artist.  Spend some time each week on doing what you love.

It's only been four months and 20 days.  Sorry for the cliche, but Rome wasn't built in a day. I have trust issues.  I have to take things slow.  So far, almost every person I've chosen to spend time with has been incredibly wonderful to me.  Thank you for that.  Also, thank you to Lyndon for being patient with one of its newest residents. I really do love you, you're so darn cute!

God Bless!

Sometimes "I" get in the way.

I went to Kentucky for 7 days, the first two days I played.  I played with my son, sister, mom, nieces and brother-in-law.  Then I played with two really great friends.

The rest of the week I worked.  I worked really hard.  This pattern continued for several days....and nights.  2:00 am phone calls with Russians and Vietnamese.  6:00am appointments with the computer.  Conference calls. 9:00pm conference calls with the Philippines. It has been really rough.  But that is not the bad news.  The bad news is. I got in the way of myself.  I was so focused on "Work" and things other than self that I tripped myself and caused myself to fall down.

Today, I picked myself back up.  I ramped up my training.  I worked very hard.  I read my daily devotion.

Tonight, I am sitting at the emergency room with my husband.  He is not feeling well, and it was suggested he should go to the doctor, NOW.  So we did.  Now we wait.  In one hour, they will test his protein level again. Then we will find out if we go home tonight, or if I go home tonight.

I am tired.  I am weary.  I need strength. And I need a much better cup of coffee!

Tomorrow.  I will pick myself up again.  I want to be well.  I want to run my RACE.

God Bless!